And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
