Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
