I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
