would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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