Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
