pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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