just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
