actually, I'm a sock model
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
