Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
high people should be assigned attendants
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
