My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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