I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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