I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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