Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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