i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
