He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize