lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
