I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
