so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Im part way to drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
