I think I died a long time ago.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
