You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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