At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
