Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
