I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize