Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
