I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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