worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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