Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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