Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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