I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ladies don't puke and tell
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