We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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