No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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