I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize