i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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