Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
