No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
