is your mom at the bar?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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