so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize