trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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