I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
