Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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