Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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