i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She announced her abortion via fbk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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