Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
