K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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