remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want a musical about memes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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