I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
