We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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