the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My vagina just clenched in fear
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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