She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
