Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
