do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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