Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
