I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
