Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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