Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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