Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
