3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
