No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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