I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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