her vagine was all disorganized.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
