Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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