I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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