my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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