This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
