That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
