I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
