i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
