All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
