If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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