I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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