I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
