My friends, they love my intelligence
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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