So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize