I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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