Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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