i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
