I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
