i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
