Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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