Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
