After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He passed out mid-signature
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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