I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
