found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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