I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
